dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
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