also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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