yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
