Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
