I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
