We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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