The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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