Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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