I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
