no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize