I want to stick my p in your. b.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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