hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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