I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize