I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
