i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
