Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
