My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
