I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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