Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
