cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
