I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
