I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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