I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
