sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You're like the curious george of whores
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize