he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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