Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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