my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
