the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
