and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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