we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
