I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
