the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
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