Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
