I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
