All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
