I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
