Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
