Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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