piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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