Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
