I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
