Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
