And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize