she smelled like a LAN party
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
