I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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