So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
