oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
