OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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