I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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