and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
4 words: hood of his car
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
there is glitter all over my balls
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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