Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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