Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
