So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
