i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
