So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
