you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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