Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
