is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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