The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
