I wish my penis had an off switch
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
