God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize