I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
