I feel like I'm in dance class right now
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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