i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
