I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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