You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
