got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
