They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
