I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
