I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
