Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
