So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
so much tequila, so little girl.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
