I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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