I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
