I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
