**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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