i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
