We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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