Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
