Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
