are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
