Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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