I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
