Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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