Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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