so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Tornado booty call.. dedication
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
