you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
one two three fourrrrnication!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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