I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
