remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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