Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
