Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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