The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
