Yo dont text me then not text me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize