Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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