So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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