I feel like abortions should bother me more
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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