I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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