Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
