if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
