He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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