Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
