btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
