i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
