"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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