Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He did a backflip because drugs
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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