im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
