i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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