i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
