3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
