I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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