My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize